So, that news that we were hoping to share...turns out it didn't work out like we had hoped and wanted. Charlie interviewed for his dream job and well...didn't get it.
There's so much I could say right now, I just can't seem to think of where to start so that it all makes sense, so I guess I'll just start with:
This job was supposed to be more time at home. This job was supposed to mean easier and more frequent trips to the ball games without having to drive very far with both kids by myself. This job was supposed to be more meals together at the dinner table. This job was supposed to be less nights of Charlie not getting to see the kids because they are in bed when he gets home. This job was supposed to be less of Owen asking, "Where's Daddy?". This job was supposed to be less of Owen & Claire looking out the window waiting for daddy to come home before bedtime. This job was supposed to be the answer. It was supposed to be.
Mom's who are coaches wives are the only ones who understand. I also don't mean the wives of coaches who coach juniior high teams. That may sound harsh, but I mean that with every word! Sure there are others, those husbands who have low paying jobs, but they are most likely home more often. Sure there are others, those husbands who coach jh and jv teams, but they are most likely home much more often and much more early. Sure there are others, those husbands who are doctors and surgeons, but they have money to compensate for their time away and most of the time wives who can stay home with their children. Trust me wives of doctors and surgeons and dentists and attorneys and ceo's and jv coaches, you've got it better. Money does help! That time with your kids does helps! Trust me! I know you have your own set of issues, but trust me, it's different. The struggle is different. The problems are different. The desires are different. It's all different.
Being a mom (#1) and being a coaches wife (#2) are the two hardest things I've ever had to face in my life! I wouldn't change anyhing if I could go back. BUT...I'm not going to lie...this is not how I thought my life would go. This is not how I thought OUR life would go.
Regardless, even though I will admit, it was easy to pray for God's Will when we thought God's Will was going to be to get the job, we have faith that this truly was God's Will. We don't know the why's and of course there are always What If's, but we have faith that there is some reason and that he has a bigger plan. I am very aware that the plan he has for us may not be BIGGER and BETTER in our societies eyes, but whatever it is I know that it will be better to help glorify him.
There have been a lot of tears on my part...A LOT. I woke up this morning crying...cried some more in the shower...then cried some more on the way to work...then cried some more while I was at work. To the everyday person who asks, well why are you so upset about this, I can not explain it any other way than...This was supposed to be the answer. I mean that in every sense possible. It was just supposed to be! I just knew it...it was supposed to be! So when something you feel is right with every fiber of your being turns out completely opposite from what you desired, dreamed, wished, hoped, prayed, begged, needed, etc...it feels pretty darn close to a tragedy!
With that said, I can honestly say I am thankful! I am thankful:
1. That I have a job.
2. That Charlie has a job.
3. That we aren't wanting for food.
4. That we can eat out if we wanted to.
5. That my husband and I both have nice/decent cars.
6. That we can pay our bills without a struggle. We may not have left over, but we don't struggle to pay what we do have.
7. That I have family that I love and that love me.
8. That Charlie and I aren't having marriage problems like so many people today.
9. That we aren't fighting for our children's lives.
10. That we aren't fighting for our lives.
11. That we have FAITH to hold on to.
12. That we have a beautiful home to make memories in.
13. That Charlie now has job security (he's tenured)
14. That I still have freedom of religion.
15. That I have a boss I can be honest with and talk to openly about my faith.
16. I have clothes to go on my back.
17. That my mommy still knows just what to say to make it all better.
18. That I still have my mommy!
19. That I have a dad who loves my husband like his own son!
20. That I have family who would help us with ANYTHING, all we have to do is ask!
21. That my sister was able to have a baby!
22. That I was able to have a baby...two babies!
23. That God chose me to be the momma of the two most beautiful precious wonderful things I've ever layed eyes on.
24. That I was able to go to school and get a college degree.
25. That God gave me a talent beyond what I could have ever imagined.
I could go on...and on...and on...and on...and on...
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