Beginnings Always Have {Endings}

Well I don't even know where to start...again!  When I wrote my last post I was super sad and just didn't feel like posting much after that!  I even stopped our personal "30 Day Challenge" that we were doing!  I wasn't really doing that well.  I had only lost 3lbs anyway.  I just can't seem to kick my desire for sweets!  I can't afford the really healthy foods and who has time to cook healthy food, not to mention, who's kids eat healthy food.  That poses another dilema of having to spend even more money!  The high cost for the healthy food and then more $ for the food my kids (ALL 3) would eat!  I say all 3 b/c my husband is such a baby when it comes to food!  He is WAY TOO picky and he would NEVER in a million years eat some of the stuff I would have to eat to be healthier!  So I have been debating on trying to kick the 15 lbs that I want to lose by doing Advocare 24 Day Challenge.  It's not too expensive, but it's still a little high for me to just up and buy it.  I would have to save and then buy it.  I know LOTS of people who are doing it and lost 10-15 lbs.  We will see.  Meanwhile, I really need to get back into my daily exercise routine!  Hopefully I can get some motivation again and get started back on it!  Who knows how long it will take to get the weight off, but as long as I do the exercising and cutting back, I can at least maintain my weight now.

But after getting into that funk, (even though it was too late for my exercise routine and diet) something AMAZING happened!  The assistant principal at the school (you know, the one where Charlie didn't get the job) called him and just wanted to thank him for coming in.  She told him she just wanted him to know that she would call him if anything happened or anything opened.  Not 2 hours later, she called him back to offer him the job!  The teacher they offered it to rejected the offer b/c he had accepted a head coach position somewhere else.  I can't even begin to explain the joy that came over us!  We KNEW, WITHOUT A DOUBT that GOD had interceded and worked it out for the better.  Afterwards, Charlie and I talked about it and I feel like the initial "no you didn't get it" was a test.  I know that seems silly, but I felt like we never gave up hope really and still put our faith in God for the decision that was made.  I feel like b/c of that, God created a way, HE rewarded us, maybe!  See, had we left it up to man alone, man would have made the first choice, the first scenario would have worked out, but it didn't!  I am so excited for this new beginning in our lives and I KNOW it's going to be great!  It has already proven to be better!  Charlie was a little sad about telling his friends he would be leaving.  He hated that it was the end of friendships.  That seems a little drastic, but let's get real, his friends are coaches for another school, how much time do you think they'll be spending together outside of school.  There's not much time left outside of school and sports as it is!  He was a little nervous about telling everyone, but got over it pretty quick. Even though it was an end to something, our new beginning is going to be great, I know it!

My babies birthday is today!  I can't believe he's 3!  Where did the time go!?  As I sit here, my emotions could definitely take over and I could easily be a wreck.  I swear it feels like just yesterday that we went to the hospital.  It feels like I was just tracking the time between my contractions early that Friday morning.  Like I was calmly going to Charlie and telling him "It's Time"!  It feels like it was just yesterday that I was calling everyone to head to the hospital.  Like I was just taking him to the ER on his first night home.  Like I was bouncing around with him in the middle of the night.  Like I was the most excited momma when he finally slept from 10-2!  Like I was watching him crawl around on his first Christmas.  Like I was watching him explore the sand on his first beach trip and touch the snow on his first snow day!  Like I was watching him take his first steps!  Watching him eat his first bite of baby food...and real food!  It feels like it was just yesterday that I was bouncing him to sleep.  Like it was just yesterday when he and I would have our alone time and I would sing "In the Arms of an Angel" to him!  What a special memory I will always cherish!  That song is so special to me and now I know it's even more special b/c it triggers such a sweet, precious, and calming memory!  During a time when I didn't know what I was going to do and didn't know how to be a momma, I made it through and look at where we are now!  My baby boy, you are so bright, and funny, and beautiful, and special, and smart, and caring, and loving!  I don't know where my life would be without you.  I am so thankful that God allowed me to have such a wonderful blessing.  It's been tough!  Its been a journey for sure.  Through sickness and screaming and sleepless nights, we made it, but it was rough!  I would do it all over again if it meant I get to hold your hand and give you a kiss everyday I have you!  I never knew I could love someone so much!  I can honestly say my heart feels like it hurts sometimes b/c I love you so much!  I know that when you get older you will go through a stage where you won't love me the way you do now...then you will love me like this again...then you will meet your wife!  You will love her the most and that breaks this momma's heart a little, but I can't wait for you to experience that love.  Then, when it's God's time, you will know what it's like to love your own baby!  Time flies and 2 is over, but I know 3 is gonna be a wonderful adventure for us all!  I love you baby!  (insert:  here's where you would say...I not a baby) :)

We had your birthday party June 8 b/c we didn't want to risk it being too close to when Lyla Jane is born and not being able to have it.  It was a safari theme party and it was by far the cutest!  You had so much fun!

 

Father's Day was this past Sunday! It was fun and relaxing. We went to Nana and Pawpaws house to swim. Owen had laid down for a nap and then the grown ups ate lunch. Just as we got out by the pool Owen had opened the back door and starting hollering at us "hey!" "I had a good nap!" He was so ready to swim! I went in to go check on Claire and apparantly Owen had wondered through the house and gone in her room b/c the door was wide open and she was awake. It was a good day and the kids had so much fun playing in the pool!

{NOT} The Answer We Were Looking For

So, that news that we were hoping to share...turns out it didn't work out like we had hoped and wanted.  Charlie interviewed for his dream job and well...didn't get it. 

There's so much I could say right now, I just can't seem to think of where to start so that it all makes sense, so I guess I'll just start with:

This job was supposed to be more time at home.  This job was supposed to mean easier and more frequent trips to the ball games without having to drive very far with both kids by myself.  This job was supposed to be more meals together at the dinner table.  This job was supposed to be less nights of Charlie not getting to see the kids because they are in bed when he gets home.  This job was supposed to be less of Owen asking, "Where's Daddy?".  This job was supposed to be less of Owen & Claire looking out the window waiting for daddy to come home before bedtime.  This job was supposed to be the answer.  It was supposed to be.

Mom's who are coaches wives are the only ones who understand.  I also don't mean the wives of coaches who coach juniior high teams.  That may sound harsh, but I mean that with every word!  Sure there are others, those husbands who have low paying jobs, but they are most likely home more often.  Sure there are others, those husbands who coach jh and jv teams, but they are most likely home much more often and much more early.  Sure there are others, those husbands who are doctors and surgeons, but they have money to compensate for their time away and most of the time wives who can stay home with their children.  Trust me wives of doctors and surgeons and dentists and attorneys and ceo's and jv coaches, you've got it better.  Money does help!  That time with your kids does helps!  Trust me!  I know you have your own set of issues, but trust me, it's different.  The struggle is different.  The problems are different.  The desires are different.  It's all different. 

Being a mom (#1) and being a coaches wife (#2) are the two hardest things I've ever had to face in my life!  I wouldn't change anyhing if I could go back.  BUT...I'm not going to lie...this is not how I thought my life would go.  This is not how I thought OUR life would go. 

Regardless, even though I will admit, it was easy to pray for God's Will when we thought God's Will was going to be to get the job, we have faith that this truly was God's Will.  We don't know the why's and of course there are always What If's, but we have faith that there is some reason and that he has a bigger plan.  I am very aware that the plan he has for us may not be BIGGER and BETTER in our societies eyes, but whatever it is I know that it will be better to help glorify him.

There have been a lot of tears on my part...A LOT.  I woke up this morning crying...cried some more in the shower...then cried some more on the way to work...then cried some more while I was at work.  To the everyday person who asks, well why are you so upset about this, I can not explain it any other way than...This was supposed to be the answer.  I mean that in every sense possible.  It was just supposed to be!  I just knew it...it was supposed to be!  So when something you feel is right with every fiber of your being turns out completely opposite from what you desired, dreamed, wished, hoped, prayed, begged, needed, etc...it feels pretty darn close to a tragedy!

With that said, I can honestly say I am thankful!  I am thankful:

1.  That I have a job.
2.  That Charlie has a job.
3.  That we aren't wanting for food.
4.  That we can eat out if we wanted to.
5.  That my husband and I both have nice/decent cars.
6.  That we can pay our bills without a struggle.  We may not have left over, but we don't struggle to pay what we do have.
7.  That I have family that I love and that love me.
8.  That Charlie and I aren't having marriage problems like so many people today.
9.  That we aren't fighting for our children's lives.
10.  That we aren't fighting for our lives.
11.  That we have FAITH to hold on to.
12.  That we have a beautiful home to make memories in.
13.  That Charlie now has job security (he's tenured)
14.  That I still have freedom of religion.
15.  That I have a boss I can be honest with and talk to openly about my faith.
16.  I have clothes to go on my back.
17.  That my mommy still knows just what to say to make it all better.
18.  That I still have my mommy!
19.  That I have a dad who loves my husband like his own son!
20.  That I have family who would help us with ANYTHING, all we have to do is ask!
21.  That my sister was able to have a baby!
22.  That I was able to have a baby...two babies!
23.  That God chose me to be the momma of the two most beautiful precious wonderful things I've ever layed eyes on.
24.  That I was able to go to school and get a college degree.
25.  That God gave me a talent beyond what I could have ever imagined.

I could go on...and on...and on...and on...and on...

FAILED {MISERABLY}

This post won't be long, it won't be whiny (too whiny), it won't be short, it won't be proud, it won't be motivational...but needless to say, I failed pretty horribly yesterday and today with the new "challenge" Charlie and I had started.  I guess it could have been worse!  No, I did not eat sweets (aka: candies and cakes), but I did eat a 550 Calorie sandwhich for lunch and I did eat a bowl of cereal...yes I said it, cereal for supper last night.  To top it all off, it was a bowl of, oh well, I'll just tell the truth, it was a bowl of Fruit Loops...and not just any old regular bowl of Fruit Loops, it was the Fruit Loops with Marshmallows in it! AHHHH!  Also, I went pretty hard core for todays lunch as well...eating a Chicken Burrito and Nachos w/Refried Beans at lunch.  Also, we didn't even work out last night!  I know we aren't necesarrily on a diet, and I guess I didn't realy stear too far off from what the actual "challenge" is, but I feel like I let myself down a little by stuffing my face with just whatever I wanted.  I didn't give in and drink any soda or anything, so that was a plus...sort of!  I hope to work out pretty hard tonight and hopefully that will make me feel better.  I'm slowly getting past not shoving my face with the little debbies and candy in between meals like I used to do.  I still crave the soda a little, but not too bad.  Ever since my mom said I could drink unsweet tea, that has helped A LOT! 

On another note, something special happened today that Charlie and I have been waiting for what seems like forever to happen.  I can't give details as it could jeopardize some stuff (not that anyone reads this - I know I'm talking to a "pretend" audience)!  We hope to be able to give some sort of good news in a few weeks at the most!  Meanwhile we will continue to pray about this certain something and know that whatever happens was the decision of God!